I wish dark chocolate could have saved my mother from dementia…

Posted on 14/08/2012 by inktuition

It was with a mixture of humour and sadness that I read in the news today that dark chocolate can help to keep dementia at bay.

The humorous side of me was pleased to see that chocolate has a function beyond making us feel we’re not missing sex so much (or at least putting us in the mood for it).

Scientists at the Italian University of L’Aquila found that it’s the flavanols in dark chocolate (and in tea, grapes and red wine) that can improve the brain power of people over 70.

Scientists say dark chocolate can help keep Alzheimer’s at bay. (pic: istockphoto.com/unalozmen)

I love the fact that I have another excuse (as if I needed one) for another square of my favourite dark chocolate.The sadness comes from knowing that it’s too late for my mother, who’s been ‘owned’ by a swift and vicious form of dementia for about eight years. When she was way off approaching 70.

The irony – if you can call it that – is that she loved chocolate. It’s just a shame she preferred the sweeter milk-chocolate varieties.

Now, where did I put my organic Green & Black’s…?

Why I’ll always be Queen of the Last Minute

Posted on 13/08/2012 by inktuition

Without the last minute, so the old saying goes, nothing would ever get done. Give me extreme pressure, less time than I actually need, and I’ll whip that deadline into shape. And produce something brilliant. Leave the ending open and the task will hang around tormenting me. And anything I do attempt to produce will be flabby or fall flat (in my mind, anyway).

Who can resist the urge to beat the race against time…? (istockphoto.com/Watcha)

Except I thought I was better than that: I’m a consummate planner, with a social diary that is meticulous and varied, and a work diary that is packed and tightly managed. So why is it that a task comes along that I don’t want to do, and the not-doing the task drains more energy than actually doing the task would.

“Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task,” says William James.

Quite.

Here’s another great quote about procrastination: “If you want to make an easy job seem mighty hard, just keep putting off doing it.” Olin Miller

There’s been a mighty hard job hanging around my shoulders over the last three weeks. Not hard in terms of Continue reading →

Seven life lessons from the Olympics

Posted on 12/08/2012 by inktuition

It’s the last day of London 2012. For two weeks I’ve been running (dashing to the nearest TV screen to see the latest race), jumping (for joy and with frustration as I will Team GB to win) and screaming (at the TV, because surely that helps our athletes to win!)

Being in London has swept me along with the excitement of it all. There’s a buzz in the air, a purpose in our day, and pride in our hearts. I think I’ll feel bereft once it’s all over – and I’ll be holding my breath until the Paralympics start in a couple of weeks’ time.

The Olympics are truly inspiring a generation. (pic: istockphoto.com/jokerproproduction)

As I reflect on two phenomenal weeks of athleticism, determination and sheer brilliance, here are seven life lessons the Olympics have taught me: Continue reading →

Tell the truth if you want to feel good about yourself

Posted on 11/08/2012 by inktuition

Telling porky pies is bad for your mental health and can make you feel miserable about yourself. Start telling the truth – and that means no little white lies, either – and your mind, body and spirit will thank you for it.

Taking off the mask and telling fewer lies boosts wellbeing. (pic: istockphoto.com/chuvipro)

The ‘Science of Honesty’ study carried out by researchers from Notre Dame University found that telling lies had more negative health effects on people and their relationships. In a 10-week study, participants who were told to tell fewer lies found they had fewer mental health issues, such as tension or melancholy, and fewer physical complaints such as sore throats and headaches. They also reported that their personal relationships and social interactions had improved.

“Recent evidence indicates that Americans average about 11 lies per week. We wanted to find out if living more honestly can actually cause better health,” said lead author Anita E. Kelly, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Notre Dame. “We found that the participants could purposefully and dramatically reduce their everyday lies, and that in turn was associated with significantly improved health.”

I think these findings show the psychological pressure Continue reading →

soul symbolism: my ‘being late for a flight’ dream

Posted on 10/08/2012 by inktuition

I hate this dream. It encapsulates everything that’s wrong with my life. I’m obsessive about time, fearful of being late, and I have to arrive an an airport well before check-in opens or I literally shake with anxiety.

So having this dream about having to pack my case quickly and run to the airport because the flight is going to leave truly feels like a punishing way to spend my sleep time.

My recurring dream about being late for a flight indicates there’s something pressing I’m not dealing with. (pic: istockphoto.com/ViktorCap)

The big issue is that I keep having this dream. And that means it’s trying to tell me something. I think this goes beyond being obsessed with time, which is something I’m conscious of. I know that time obsession is a thinly veiled death anxiety, as any existentialist will tell you.

No, I’m wondering what this stress dream is really trying to tell me. Carl Jung said: “The dream is a little hidden door in the innermost and most secret recesses of the soul.” My job is to interpret what that dream means by trying to find the key to unlock the door to whatever secret my soul is trying to communicate with me.

In the one last night, Continue reading →

A poem about a miscarriage

Posted on 09/08/2012 by inktuition

My heart went out to Gary Barlow and his wife Dawn when I heard how their baby Poppy had been stillborn. In my work as a therapist with women who have lost babies to miscarriage and stillbirth, I know there are intense feelings of loss around what might have been – the dreams that have been so cruelly taken away – mixed with intense gratitude for the blessings they do have.

A friend of mine recently miscarried her baby. She is a young, healthy woman, who already has a child, so she is baffled why she miscarried. She said: “When I heard about women who had miscarried, I used to think of it as matter of fact. But now experiencing it myself, it is a whole different world. It’s almost like I now belong to a club, where there are so many of us but no-one talks about it and women suffer in silence. Now I think: was there a spirit? Where has it gone? What was God’s reason to take my child away from me?”

I wish I had an answer. The way I chose to respond to her pain was in creative writing, via a poem:

To the twinkle that blinked Continue reading →

What’s wrong with Silver anyway?

Posted on 05/08/2012 by inktuition

People who win silver medals are more unhappy than those who win bronze. (pic: istockphoto.com/JayKJay21(

Why does not winning a Gold medal suddenly make you a ‘ loser’? Like most people in London and around the world, I’ve been glued to the Olympics over the past week, mesmerised by the athletes’ physical prowess and inspired by their dedication, their spirit and their drive.

What I’m not getting is why it’s suddenly a huge disappointment to get Silver or Bronze in the medals. OK, so there’s a lot of pressure on Team GB because this is London 2012: an Olympics on their home turf. But from swimmers to cyclists and rowers, when they ‘fail’ to reach Gold, they apologise for letting everyone down. They’re in tears (in what is becoming an emotional Games) – even though they say they’ve tried their very best – and some threaten to withdraw from sport entirely. It hasn’t helped that Continue reading →

Breakfast in Trafalgar Square: the calm before the crowds

Posted on 27/07/2012 by inktuition

With all the hustle and bustle in London, and endless countdown to the start of the Olympic Games, I’d forgotten to stop and absorb it all. It’s far too easy to pass things by every day, to let them become the wallpaper of your world, and not notice the detail.

It was 12 hours to go and Trafalgar Square was warm with anticipation.

So it was with my morning hot chocolate that I took a few minutes to sit in Trafalgar Square and absorb the atmosphere: the people in their pink outfits (Games stewards) greeting me with a smile that looked like they meant it; the growing number of tourists taking snaps of the Olympic countdown clock; and the young man who offered me his paper to sit on so I wouldn’t get my dress dirty on the concrete seats (above which pigeons are always hovering). Continue reading →

The two decisions I made that helped me finish my novel

Posted on 12/06/2012 by inktuition

Like many writers, I’d been working on a novel for years. The idea for it came into my head, skittered across the page for a while, then exited stage right. I dragged it back on to perform, reluctantly, for many years – and each time it looked more awkward than before, and with increasingly palpable and self-destructive stage fright.

I so wished I had allowed the creative novel-writing impetus more time and space in my life while it was fresh and energetic, rather than cowed and defeated. Six years on – and already six months into the grace period of my extended Creative Writing MA deadline, with very little developmental or restorative work on my manuscript – I was considering asking for another extension.

Except that this time Continue reading →

Writing Optimism: capture your compliments (and your critiques) in a treasure box

Posted on 10/06/2012 by inktuition

Capture your happy, sad and confused feelings in writing. (pic: istockphoto.com/solvod)

Feeling down about your output? Fed up about rejections? Feel you’ll never make it as a writer? We’ve all been there – and yet we all still keep going. Or do we?

If you’re thinking about crumpling up your last piece of paper in the bin and hanging up your ink pen for good, think again. Instead, pick a nice jar (clean and tall) or – if you’re like me – use this as an excuse to go to a stationery store and buy a nice new treasure box (patterned, plain or whatever shape, size or cost inspires you). Any excuse.

The purpose of the treasure box is to hold all the positive comments you get – whether that’s about your writing, your expressions, a great turn of phrase, or even how you’re looking today. The point is: you write them all down, fold them up, and deposit them in your treasure box/jar. So, when you’re having a bad day, or feel you’ve reached a dead end, you simply dip into the folded up pieces of paper in your magic jar, and hey presto, you’re reminded of how good you can be.

For those of you who feel that undaunted optimism is too much too soon – or rather unrealistic – let’s not forget the shadow of optimism: pessimism. Criticism – and all the negativity that goes with it – can be Continue reading →