is a ‘drunk diary’ a creative way of silencing the inner critic?

Posted on 09/08/2011 by inktuition

Can booze let loose the juices of creativity?

I admit my first reaction to hearing about singer-of-the-moment Adele writing her soaraway successful album 21 while under the influence of booze was one of disbelief: firstly, that someone so talented needs to drink (the shadow of Amy Winehouse loomed large in my mind), and secondly, that she could so coolly and publicly admit to it.

Except when I read beyond The Sun headline of ‘Booze helps Adele write songs‘, I realised there was more to it than just downing a bottle of wine and churning out indulgently booze-fuelled lyrics.

What it turns out the singer had done was bypass her inner critic – with all its angst and murderous intentions towards a newly born idea, thought or tune – with the anaesthetising effects of alcohol. Without that switch into another part of herself, the bitter-sweet unexpectedness of her number-one songs may never have Continue reading →

does writing help you deal with your own darkness?

Posted on 08/08/2011 by inktuition

I’m not the only writer who infuses her fiction with the shadowy elements of her psyche.

Who knows what can emerge from the shadows of the unconscious?

I’ve just read an interview with thriller writer Mo Hayder – winner of the Crime Writers’ Association Dagger in the Library 2011 award – where she says her writing helps her deal with the darkness in her mind. By fictionalising what terrifies her most, she is able to allay the intensity of her fears.

Psychoanalytic theory suggests that characters in novels are all projections of the author’s anxieties, neuroses and inner conflicts which the author him/herself may not be fully conscious of. It is this unconscious element that Continue reading →

reflections on loss and regret at the end of a holiday

Posted on 05/08/2011 by inktuition

The end of a holiday evokes feelings of loss. (pic credit: Streetek)

Coming to the end of my holiday and, like any ending, it brings up feelings of loss, wistfulness; of wishing, perhaps, that I’d appreciated my time more: lived it more, felt it more, maybe. Perhaps I could have absorbed the beautiful countryside more enthusiastically, visited the sights more engagingly, and appreciated the reassuring sway and swagger of the boat more wholeheartedly.

Because this time won’t come again – and I’m not sure when I will have Continue reading →

change to the power of three

Posted on 03/08/2011 by inktuition

Three days into my boat trip on the Broads, and I’m reflecting on how quickly I adapt to new surroundings. It takes me three days, in fact.

What began as resistance to relaxing, complaints about the crampedness on board, and a feverish need to stay connected to the outside world via mobile and dongle, has transformed into the extent of my new world. Home is forgotten – as is work and ‘normal’ life – and I’m enjoying just being in the moment, watching the world pass by.

On holiday it takes three days to adjust. In a new job it takes about three months to learn the ropes and feel less of a new girl. And it takes about three weeks to let a new (good) habit kick in. When I took up writing Morning Pages, it was about three weeks in that I started to appreciate the value of them.

So, instead of resisting in future, perhaps I’ll just trust in the power of three.

why I need a room of my own on a boat on the Broads

Posted on 01/08/2011 by inktuition

I know I don’t appreciate things until I don’t have them any more – that’s human nature. But boy have I missed a room of my own since embarking on a boat trip on the Norfolk Broads.

Boating on the Broads

Before departing, I had imagined a serene journey along the river network of Norfolk, gliding past wildlife and other friendly ‘sailors’ with their jaunty hats and jovial waves, and plenty of time and space to think and write.

I was right about the first two, but wrong about the second. Not used to ‘camping’ or managing without wi-fi broadband, hot running water, and the ability to Continue reading →

why trust and commitment are the keys to healing

Posted on 29/07/2011 by inktuition

It’s funny how, when you set your mind to something, all the right things appear, happen, fall into place, and show that really you’re on the right track.

They say there’s no such thing as coincidence, which is why – when I was thinking of the power of writing in its ability to heal, and how I can work with other people to tap into that power – I get included in an online group called Continue reading →

guilt about not writing

Posted on 28/07/2011 by inktuition

Not writing is like a shadow on my shoulder, always projecting itself in front of or behind me; always making me aware of its dark, pressured presence.

Not writing feels like I’m cheating myself of something.

Not writing and pretending that life is OK without writing is being in denial about my true life force, and what sustains me.

Not writing means missing out on Continue reading →

can writing help you get through grief?

Posted on 11/04/2011 by inktuition

I was touched to read an article by the author of Parentless Parents, Allison Gilbert, about how writing about grief, loss and mourning had made her happier. Touched because I have also lost my parents (my father to cancer; my mother has dementia and no longer knows she has a daughter), and also inspired, because I could use my experiences to write so much more about healing after bereavement.

I wrote an 80,000 word memoir about my dad, eight years after he died. I got up at 6 every morning to write 1000 words of stream of consciousness. The process made me feelcloser to him, less afraid of my feelings, and resolute in capturing a piece of him that was lost forever. I had never planned to publish this memoir, but I know I can turn to it when I need to. And I have a sense of achievement: I have completed a memoir, even though I haven’t yet completed my novel.

a tulip’s shadow on a sunny day

Posted on 08/04/2011 by inktuition

Even perfectly open tulips have their shadow.

The sun was out in south London today. So were the tulip petals in my front garden. But such a thing of beauty has such a pronounced shadow, which is perhaps more bewitching than the flower itself.

I guess every person who looks at this photo will make his or her own interpretation of it. What perturbs me is that the raised arm on the right of the shadow could be cheering on the tulip for showing off her beauty. However, it could also be a persecutory gesture, an angry hand about to rain down blows to fracture the fragility of the tulip’s petals; to let rip because the tulip was audacious enough to turn its face to the sun and show its true, radiant beauty.

I wonder which one it is?

six reasons why the unsent letter is a godsend

Posted on 06/04/2011 by inktuition

I was furious with someone today. On my high horse, I sat down at my laptop and trotted out an email, imperiously setting out why I was right and they were wrong. As the rage flew from the keys, I felt so much better about the entire issue.

I was just about to press ‘send’ in triumph when I paused, took a breath, and pressed save instead. Might I regret it – big time – if I sent it?

It reminded me that Continue reading →

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writing my life and soul

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