stars in disguise

The melancholy moon, with a

bite out of its side,

does a smiley for the stars

surrounding.

The constellated night jewels

catch my breath,

lining up for their sightly

performance.

Minor. Major.

Who cares what key

they play their twinkly

chords in.

Their well-placed face,

their bling, their show,

will make the dark more

bearable.

Yet the brightest one

I only have eyes for:

It squeezes my heart’s

accordion.

For Day Two of NaPoWriMo: a poem about stars

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facing my dreams of denial

My dream images

Knew better than me

Grassy ground I refused to sit on

Just as I stayed in denial of death.

Sixteen years after my dear dad’s passing

The grass from my dreams tripped me up

Now all bumpy and countrified

I lay on my front,

felt the ground and cried.

I can’t find my mother

I can’t find my mother in work,

but I can locate her

in the deepest of hurts.

I can’t find my mother when I drive,

as people cut me up, in the

conflict they contrive.

I can’t find my mother when I cry

for what I’ve lost

and my lungs are turned dry.

I can’t find my mother in love

that’s pretend; a glamour

that’s just a rubber glove.

I can’t find my mother when

betrayal means bereft.

There’s nothing left then.

Why I’m tired of being bereaved

 It’s fifteen short years – today – since my dad passed away.

Five long months since my mum did the same –

and two sets of grandparents, before and in between.

My black suit’s hung up, hopefully for a while.

I’m clearing out cupboards, releasing old bones

from my present day guff to stuff from my teens.

I’ve been grieving, on and off, for twenty-five years:

funerals, death, and the emptying of heart,

that beiging of walls that one’s small life becomes.

But my eyes are tired of closing to what’s vibrant.

And I’m done with that greyish half-life not lived.

The anniversary today, I wanted quiet to think

but what I got was the buzz of life and a blocked sink.

I wonder if it’s finally time to colour my house

with the glories of living, not the shadow of a hearse.