can writing help you get through grief?

I was touched to read an article by the author of Parentless Parents, Allison Gilbert, about how writing about grief, loss and mourning had made her happier. Touched because I have also lost my parents (my father to cancer; my mother has dementia and no longer knows she has a daughter), and also inspired, because I could use my experiences to write so much more about healing after bereavement.

I wrote an 80,000 word memoir about my dad, eight years after he died. I got up at 6 every morning to write 1000 words of stream of consciousness. The process made me feelcloser to him, less afraid of my feelings, and resolute in capturing a piece of him that was lost forever. I had never planned to publish this memoir, but I know I can turn to it when I need to. And I have a sense of achievement: I have completed a memoir, even though I haven’t yet completed my novel.

 

a tulip’s shadow on a sunny day

Even perfectly open tulips have their shadow.

The sun was out in south London today. So were the tulip petals in my front garden. But such a thing of beauty has such a pronounced shadow, which is perhaps more bewitching than the flower itself.

I guess every person who looks at this photo will make his or her own interpretation of it. What perturbs me is that the raised arm on the right of the shadow could be cheering on the tulip for showing off her beauty. However, it could also be a persecutory gesture, an angry hand about to rain down blows to fracture the fragility of the tulip’s petals; to let rip because the tulip was audacious enough to turn its face to the sun and show its true, radiant beauty.

I wonder which one it is?

six reasons why the unsent letter is a godsend

I was furious with someone today. On my high horse, I sat down at my laptop and trotted out an email, imperiously setting out why I was right and they were wrong. As the rage flew from the keys, I felt so much better about the entire issue.

I was just about to press ‘send’ in triumph when I paused, took a breath, and pressed save instead. Might I regret it –  big time – if I sent it?

It reminded me that Continue reading

hiding my writing on the train

Is there a fascination about people who write in public? Maybe a narcissistic perception that someone on a train writing things down must obviously be writing about YOU?

Well, maybe. Train journeys can be irritating for all kinds of reasons – but I have to keep reminding myself that there may be something about the laddish conversations, the take-away food odours, or the man beside me who keeps sucking his teeth, which could suggest a character trait or a nightmare sequence in my novel.

The only challenge, I guess, is to hide the observations I’m making in my notebook from the woman beside me with bad breath and fleshy elbows.

are all writers fussy about fonts?

When I’m doing creative writing, or even writing a news story or report, I can’t let anything get in the way: not a keyboard that sticks, not a noise in the room that’s annoying, and certainly not a font that’s distracting.

The only font I can use to create  is Times New Roman 12pt. Anything else takes up for too much attention and gets in the way of what I’m trying to say – like driving a car and consciously having to think about which gear I’m in.

However, for writers who can’t make up their minds which font to use – for fear it might convey the wrong message – there is a phenomenon called Continue reading

why shouldn’t writers and novelists get paid?

On Radio 4’s Today programme this morning, I heard Monica Ali, author of The Untold Story, having to defend the fact she has written a commercially viable novel.

OK, so the ‘what if’ plot focuses on the imaginary scenario of Princess Diana having faked her death to escape media attention. And, from a marketing point of view, this is perfectly timed – what with the royal wedding of William and Kate a months away. Some of the commentators were shocked that the author of literary, character-driven novel Brick Lane could descend to such depths as writing popular fiction, and that it would “be hard to take the literary hard ground after a book like this”.

Monica responded in the Today interview by saying Continue reading

pack up your troubles in your… pencil case?

A worry shared is meant to be a worry halved, but apparently writing down your worries on paper can help ease anxiety and prevent the memory getting blocked (especially before an exam).

Expressive writing – where people can let their problems spill out onto the page, and is known to have psychological benefits in terms of making it easier to cope with issues – is just one of the techniques used by teachers in Washington County to help students deal with test anxiety.

The study tested students about to take their high-school final exams, asking those with high anxiety to write down their fears for 10 minutes before the test. The students who did the writing outperformed their non-writing peers in the test by Continue reading

a counter-intuitive cure for writer’s block

Is inspiration all a writer needs...?

Writer’s block is never something that has plagued me. I make a living as a writer and editor, and a deadline makes writers’s block a bit of a joke; there’s no time for such narcissistic indulgences.

Which is why I was intrigued by a story in The New Yorker, brought to my attention by the wonderful The Daily Post, about how a psychotherapist cured a screenwriter from writer’s block. The method, as I understand it,  involved Continue reading

Writing with a little help from your friends

You can never underestimate the power of friends who also lead a writing life when it comes to working up ideas for novels, books, magazines, changes in career, or any other writing project.

An evening at a friend’s house last night with three writers was filled with ideas shared, problems solved, plot lines explored  – and a notebook full of interesting challenges and crises for our main characters.

So, within four hours, we Continue reading

persisting in adversity

I’ve persisted today, even when I felt like giving up.

Sitting with a client suffering from depression two years after a bereavement – who just ‘gets rid of’ her days – makes me appreciate the joy I have in my life. I wanted to escape the chill of her room and the critical sharpness of her gaze. But I stayed.

Just as I have stayed with WordPress (now on my Blackberry) in spite of its technical problems, so I can commit to my postaday.

I feel that if I let it slip just one day, it would give me an excuse to slip others.

And if I abandoned that woman, what other pain would I attempt to escape from?