my emptying out

inktuition emptying out

 

no more clinging on to the person I was –

in a clothed, hidden, impersonal place,

out of step and out of touch,

yet blessed within ignorant bliss –

I’ve shed the very skin I was in.

becoming conscious is a contract

you sign with your knowing side,

but if you knew what lay in advance,

you’d rip it up, run away and hide.

having pledged my soul this journey

to become more present, more true

I know there’s no return to shore

just the endless ocean to endure.

how I’d love to bring back my false self,

let her dance and laugh with such ease

to shine against the surface of life

and see reflected the mask she believed.

hollow it was, but what’s left in its place

is a sense of being completely alone,

robbed of charm, of all defence,

my ragged heart is, reluctantly, free to roam.

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lament of lonely

Alone,

I review

what I’ve done.

Alienated,

I question

what I’ve said.

Abused,

I wonder

what I deserved.

Bereaved,

I imagine

being alive again.

Happy?

I’ve forgotten

what it’s like.

A poem for day 27 of NaPoWriMo 2015: hay(na)ku