my mermaid soul

my mermaid soul fears the sea,

the depths from which she came,

but the time is now to tumble turn,

to dive, to lose, to gain

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NaPoWriMo 2018 day 22: a poem for stars

The pattern of stars  in the sky above my head –

as I lie on my patio chairs, feeling the evening breeze –

is scattered and twinkly,

but not distinct.

I ask them for an answer.

 

The lights from planes on their way to

destinations far and wide, flicker

and flirt with the stars,

evidence that another flight took off OK.

 

I need to know my purpose, why I’m here,

and why I keep messing up my life.

I look to the stars for an answer.

 

What seems to be a plane

is a star that shines bright,

that is having its moment

in the firmament.

I pray for an answer.

 

I look away, look back,

The stars in my night sky,

above my patio,

have rearranged

into the shape of a heart.

My heart that I must follow.

 

discovering the point of me

inktuition the point of me

I’ve been apologising for oh so long,

as I explain and cringe my choices,

that I lost the point of me.

Born, I was too much crying,

too many nappies, too much bother

to feel there was a point to me.

A child, I was told I was far too messy,

warned to be good and stay quiet.

There was no point to me.

Teenaged, I was never allowed my style,

was asked did I think I looked good in that.

I cried and searched the point to me.

Studied, I gained diplomas, degrees,

which I thought would make me whole.

Looking back, I wonder the point in that.

Grown up, and business gave me power

to manage, to lead, to create.

My star waned: what was the point of me.

A mother, a new life with other fertile ones

I thought would give me meaning.

Playground bitches destroyed the point of me.

Stressed, I feel the yawn of my heart.

Pleasing others from dawn to dusk:

who would ever make a point of that?

Broken, a life with a faded façade

and scaffolding all torn away.

I start to vision the death of me.

Darkened, I think of ways to loosen

my grip on this mortal soil.

What the **** was the point of me?

Soul-bound, I’m saved from today’s maudlin.

Tomorrow I’m not so sure.

What’s the point of staying here?

Awakening, I take a daily breath

that surprises me each morning.

The only thing that keeps me alive

is the point one day I’ll believe in.