A poem about fake friendships

Posted on 15/06/2013 by inktuition

We all change and move on.

I know that’s a fact.

So why bother to maintain

those friendships with cracks?

Is it to keep those pals

who give you big follows

on social sites?

To spy on their lives;

dazzle

with stories bright?

To delete would hurt

both them and you.

Or would it?

If you don’t like them

and they don’t care,

why be so polite?

There are ‘friends’ in my life

who don’t give a damn

what I feel, where I go,

how I roll, who I am.

Yet I keep a pretence

of wanting to meet.

And when I do,

it’s myself I cheat.

The paint is thinning

on my fake-friends tableau.

The question is why

I just don’t let go.

A poem from the sunset seat in my garden

Posted on 04/06/2013 by inktuition

My blooming great big garden

surrounds my wooden seat

with a tickle of full-grown leaves.

A lushly verdant treat.

Green fingers? Not for me.

I leave my lawn to live

its meant-for, yearned-for life.

And my laziness it forgives,

as the sunset gently butters

the grateful, eager leaves.

I’m full of love for life,

connecting to some heart-felt peace.

In praise of the audiobook

Posted on 02/04/2013 by inktuition

I cannot praise the audiobook enough.

Perhaps considered the plainer cousin of the ebook, or the slower version of the traditional book, the audiobook has never really been regarded with much appeal. By me. Until now.

I never really saw (or heard!) the point of an actor/actress drip-reading me the contents of a novel that I could devour by conventional reading methods in a fifth of the time. That was until I chose to take a seven-and-a-half-hour trip in my not-so-fast car from south of London to central Scotland.

I picked a gripping crime novel from the modest choice of audiobooks available from my small local library, believing that I would be so transfixed by the plot that the trip would simply fly by. Without actually being on a flight (my usual way of travelling north of the border).

And it did. The interminable monotony of the M6/M74 stretch of the trip transformed into a joyful distraction for a driver who didn’t even notice the cramp in her toes or the dragging in her lower back. Until later.

The audiobook had 10 CDs that stretched over 11 hours. I ended up listening to four CDs, with the fifth poised for play. I love to listen to local radio as I enter a new area/city, to help me feel oriented.

Being lost in a book is something that has made me feel alive and connected since I was first able to read. I am so captivated by the plot and the exquisite diction of the actress reading the book that I cannot wait to hear what happens next.

I love being engaged with a book so that I lose track of reality. What better time or place to do that than on a journey where a book can enrich, enlighten and enquicken!

Why a ‘misleading’ DVD makes me question my own writing integrity

Posted on 29/03/2013 by inktuition

I prefer the cover of a DVD or book to be explicit about what is implicit.

I am raging. I am SO angry. I can’t believe I bought a movie DVD that seemed to be the authentic article, when really it had misled me into believing it was the real deal.

I’m talking about a DVD I bought in good faith that had the title, image and look of the original movie. Except it wasn’t. The DVD wasn’t fake, as such, but I got caught out.

It wasn’t until a few minutes in to watching the DVD that I realised I couldn’t connect with the original I’d seen at the cinema. Had we arrived late? Had we just forgotten the opening? I started to become convinced that this strange movie must be a viewing extra we’d missed by turning up to the cinema just on time, trying not to spill your popcorn in the dark, and hoping to have abbreviated the time spent feeling cross with the endless ads and trailers.

I was so angry: If I had spotted that the DVD wasn’t the genuine article before I bought it, I would have been happy with my bargain. But the fact that the DVD marketing company happily played on the distracted, hurried, trusting shopper that I am makes me boil with rage.

And I felt betrayed: One of the comments on the buying site I looked at (when I realised my mistake) was: “Hit the back button and don’t buy this rubbish.” If I remember correctly, I bought the offending DVD from a store (which I believe has now gone into administration). If I was buying the thing online, I would have at least had the chance to review what other writers had said, and take the time to click ‘no’. I wish I’d had the chance.

But ultimately I felt toxic shame: Am I doing this with my own creative work? What if I were to mislead someone in thinking what I was writing was really something else? I come across contorted titles of books, albums and even blog posts that make me think I’m going to expect a particular thing, and yet the reality lets me down.

Is this a gap between expectation and reality? Should we seek ‘obscure’ titles for our work that are understood only by the ‘clever’ inner sanctum, or should we seek to produce a ‘what you see is what you get’ kind of book/article/artwork?

Ultimately, I think my answer to this is don’t try to deceive anyone. Least of all yourself.

My bracing New Year’s Day in photos

Posted on 01/01/2013 by inktuition

What better way to celebrate the first day of 2013 than on a bracing visit to the Brighton seaside. With my only New Year’s Resolution being ‘gratitude’, I was blessed to tiptoe on the cobbled beach and take some stunning shots that capture the beauty of today’s extremely welcome (although unusual, given the recent torrential rain the UK has suffered) and benign sunshine.

The winter sunlight is putting the smile on our faces

The winter sunlight is putting a smile on our faces

The waves are frisky and a real treat to run in and out of (in spite of the cold!)

Continue reading →

When I need strength, where do I look…?

Posted on 26/09/2012 by inktuition

This has been a big issue for me this week. I’ve been going through an issue that requires some practical, emotional and psychological strength, and I’ve been wondering how on earth I can get through it.

I’ve been looking outside of myself for quotes, for expertise, for some kind of reassurance that I’ll be OK. That I’ll get through this test and everything else will be OK.

Except anyone on a spiritual journey knows that, once one task has been brought to consciousness and integrated, another more testing one awaits. That’s the nature of personal growth. The universe may not give us anything we’re not able to deal with, but by heck, once you’re able to deal with one area of consciousness, the universe will of course chuck you a new challenge.

Which brings me back to how I’m going to deal with my issue. I’ve done everything I can to influence the outcome I want, but ultimately the outcome is in the hands of another mortal being (complete with biases, prejudices etc).

And so I am aiming to reach some kind of peace. Tomorrow will bring its own resolution. I am seeking balance, not retribution. I may get some kind of equilibrium, but I so hope the fight will stop and I will be able to continue to be a balanced, hopeful person rather than a defended, anxious one.

In the meantime, I am finding inner strength I never knew I had. For all of the quotes I found, this is the one that always sustains me, and it’s my yoga teacher’s version of the Emerson quote: “The power within you is always greater than the task ahead.”

That is where I get my strength from.

If creativity helps you live longer, let’s give more freedom to our inner child

Posted on 25/09/2012 by inktuition

I do love psychological research that tells us how to live longer – especially if one of those behaviours or qualities is what I do already. So I was delighted to read on Psychology Today a report on a study that has evidence to show that being creative can help you live longer. (Well, at least among men, anyway).

Basically, the study of 1,349 men over 18 years shows that being open to new ideas and being willing to try new things can lengthen your lifespan, with a 12% reduction in mortality risk.

How does creativity help? It basically exercises the brain to keep it fit and it helps to reduce stress levels (or at least helps to manage stress better and make it less daunting). Creativity is recommended throughout the whole of life to cope better with the onset of aging, and our thoughts and feelings around it. (Who doesn’t feel better after having externalised our stresses through painting, writing or even dancing).

When you see kids playing with paints, being clever with crayons, and lacking any kind of self-consciousness when they sing, dance and play, I often wonder where that innocent sense of playfulness and creativity goes when we grow up.

Let’s bring our inner children out more often and let them have a play. I think that the creativity the researchers talk about is also related to a sense of fun and a feeling that life is still full of wonder and curiosity, no matter what age you are.

My soul’s lesson for today: what you do, you get more of (whether you want it or not)

Posted on 13/09/2012 by inktuition

On the train to work this morning, I wondered why the person who sat down opposite me needed to finish off eating his tube of mango ice cream (yes, at 8.30 in the morning!) with his fingers (yes, on a crowded train!) The sucking and slurping turned my stomach, and distracted me from a paper I was reading for my project.

Fast forward a couple of hours and I am sitting in a fairly quiet sandwich shop with my laptop, trying to work on said project, and a big bloke sits down beside me, chomps his tuna and cucumber wrap loudly, and licks his fingers with aplomb every time he takes a bite. I only wanted a quiet corner to work on some writing, not to be interrupted by other people’s noisy eating habits!

It’s so annoying to keep magnetising experiences in my life I’d rather do without. (pic: istockphoto.com/michelangelus)

Why have I attracted two annoying people with questionable manners to sit down near me and interrupt me? I can’t think of any reason why I magnetised the noisy eaters into my energy field, other than the fact that I have been delaying putting the finishing touches to my project. And these aural and visual assaults are a consequence of not having committed to my day. Distraction breeds more distraction.

I pressed the snooze button on my alarm one too many times this morning, and so I was late getting the train. I needed to read and take notes but couldn’t do that easily because I had to stand up all the way. Lateness breeds more lateness.

I had my mid-morning snack later than usual today, so I wasn’t hungry when I ordered my lunch. Today they gave me a huge portion that I couldn’t finish because I was still full from earlier. Fullness breeds more fullness.

I think the lesson my soul wants me to remember today is Continue reading →

Expressing your fears takes their power away

Posted on 10/09/2012 by inktuition

It’s something therapists and writers have known for years, but now psychologists have confirmed that naming your fears stops them having so much power over you.

Giving a name to something, or expressing exactly how you feel, means you don’t have to deny the feeling or keep squashing it down. Sometimes the energy needed to keep it at bay is more painful and stressful than just talking about it anyway. Writers use that technique all the time: expressive or reflexive writing puts into words their feelings and stresses, and therefore externalises what’s going on inside and helps to process feelings and look at them objectively.

Researchers from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) did some tests on people who are afraid of spiders, asking some of them to approach a tarantula, and to experience and label their fears. For example, to say: “I’m anxious and frightened by the ugly, terrifying spider.” People who were able to express their fears were able to get closer to the tarantula, and had less of a stress reaction.

Michelle Craske, a professor of psychology at UCLA and the senior author of the study, said: “The implication is to encourage patients, as they are exposed to whatever they are fearful of, to label the emotional responses they are experiencing and label the characteristics of the stimuli — to verbalise their feelings. That lets people experience the very things they are afraid of and say: ‘I feel scared and I’m here.’ They’re not trying to push it away and say it’s not so bad.”

The crucial point is this: “Be in the moment and allow yourself to experience whatever you’re experiencing.”

Why do we only truly appreciate the BIG moments in life…?

Posted on 09/09/2012 by inktuition

I attended the Paralympic Games this week. It was hard enough to get tickets to the Olympic Stadium, given the success of London 2012, and I was full of awe at just being there.

The Paralympics in London have been awesome on so many levels.

My eight-year-old daughter was beside herself with excitement: she’d been looking forward to it for weeks. She throws herself into whatever event, party or park she’s at, wholeheartedly and whole-bodily present. In comparison, I often find my mind wandering, and my body shifting to get comfortable. I envy her ability to truly live her moment.

Except at the Paralympic athletics this week, I lived mine. From the moment I entered the stadium – watching strong men in wheelchairs power across the finish line, one-legged men effortlessly clearing high jumps, and the whole crowd cheering for every other country’s anthems – I felt humbled to be human. Especially given the superhuman feats taking place in the stadium in front of me.

It was a hot evening, but a friendly and uplifting one. I breathed in each moment I was there, knowing there wouldn’t be any others like this. I didn’t want the lights to come on, because I knew that would signal home time.

I truly lived my BIG moment because I knew my chance to watch Paralympic athletics at the London 2012 Olympic stadium would never come again. So why don’t I appreciate all moments in the same way – big, small or otherwise – even though I know they won’t be repeated either…?

inktuition

writing my life and soul

Tag Archives: life