a mind-reading villanelle

Second-guessing makes me lose my own mind.

Yet I spend my life seeking approval from outside.

Pleasing others is a fault in my design.

 

I’ve begun projects then ended up frozen,

unable to complete an abandoned idea.

Second-guessing makes me lose my own mind.

 

Reading minds is a skill I think I’ve mastered

but it leaves my creative output empty.

Pleasing others is a fault in my design.

 

I’d love to roam free in the land of imagination

freeing my thoughts to dance on the page.

But second-guessing makes me lose my own mind.

 

I can’t take the critic, it pierces and bleeds

my fragile self to the point I submit.

Pleasing others is a fault in my design.

 

I’ve spent my life waiting for the outside judge

to give a thumbs-up to my latest fudge.

Second guessing makes me lose my own mind.

Pleasing others is a fault in my design.

 

NaPoWriMo 2019 Day 5: write a poem in the form of a villanelle

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my cruel inner judge

There’s a cruel inner judge that lives inside my head

It shuts down doors and fills me with dread.

 

Doling out shoulds and musts and oughts

It steals my dreams and makes me fraught.

 

A thought may emerge that’s shiny and hot

But the judge will shame and tarnish the shot.

 

When I sit to write, the judge becomes strong,

Knowing what’s right, telling me I’m wrong.

 

It’s scary feeling my work with no sun

Where judge lives on, my words are undone.

 

Scarier still is realising the fact

that judge takes control with defence and attack.

 

I’m scared that judge lives inside for free

and its voice sounds uncannily just like me.

 

NaPoWriMo Day 4: Write a sad poem in 14 relatively short lines.

a mistake on a lake

One last chance, you said,

to kiss and make up. With

a view from a lake, what could possibly

go wrong, you said, with promise,

that last time before the final time you said it would stop.

 

So much water had filled my lake, no more could I take.

The turquoise sheen, a diamond sparkle, kiss

from the rounded sun, casting even rounder

and darker shadows beneath

the neat containment, the innocence, of the balcony table.

 

Yet guilt you denied, filling my ears with

stories re-told, reconfigured, lied,

as I tried to drown you out with the lapping of lake,

the beat of the sun, the silent padding of feet

on the wobble of terrace concrete.

 

And that was indeed your last chance, as I caress

the rails, robust they are now after a weak defeat.

I’ll feel relief when I close the verandah doors

on a scene about which no one cares how. Just

that now I am safe – inside and out.

 

 

NaPoWriMo2019 Day 3: Write something that involves a story or action that unfolds over an appreciable length of time.

the secret of night blossom…?

What message for me in this fleeting fragment of spring?

Street illuminations shift the softness of blossom

to the moodiness of night.

The pink-white petals cluster in midnight suspense

like candy floss clumps skewered through the dark.

I twizzle my blinds,

the streetlight dazzles my walls with slats

and what do I sense?

A springtime promise, all hopeful and pert,

an epitome of creative grace?

Or a reminder of potential soon to be lost,

a petal carpet of regret to embrace?

 

 

NaPoWrimo2019 Day 2: Resisting closure by ending on a question

NaPoWriMo 2018 day 26: Senses of Spring

 

Come see with me, as the spring light fades,

a delicate pale dusk that hints at May,

a gentle hue that shimmers through

the retreating winter mists.

 

Come hear with me, as the birds make nests,

a caw and cackle from beaks unseen,

above me the drone of planes in flight,

beside me the sounds of nature stirring.

 

Come smell with me, as mowers emerge

from musty mould of damp old sheds,

to give a lawn its first shear of the year,

the encouraging scent of freshly chopped grass.

 

Come feel with me, the patio touch

of a lilac cushion, smooth bumps of rattan,

a still cool breeze upon the skin,

as fingers graze the pot-plant petals.

 

Come taste with me, this springtime zest,

let ice-chilled soda sparkle your throat,

the tang of past no longer bitter,

now savour feeling alive.

 

NaPoWriMo 2018 day 25: remember to keep an open heart

 

Remember what it’s like to sew your heart:

when you feel alone, yet yearn for love.

Stress will charge your fears, your pulse,

you forget to attach to what’s above.

 

A sewn-up heart has self-righteous thoughts

of revenge and shame and guilt,

the threads of life tie you up in knots,

you forget the power of your patchwork quilt.

 

Remember what it’s like to open your heart,

when you’re a blanket of multi colour,

resplendent in your everyday weeds,

ready to clothe and soothe the other.

 

Be forever open to heal your hurts,

 undo that stitch, untie that knot,

challenge the feel of being hemmed in.

Don’t let life be a chance forgot.

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