it used to be all about me
now it’s kind of all about them
because when I help all of them out there
I learn things about me in here
and in seeing things about me
I grow and understand more
which helps me understand them
and isn’t that life’s adventure…?
We’ve never been close
you’ve always resented that.
So you lashed out and used
the shaming sting of your slap
to keep me in my place.
Neither too clever or too cool:
I was only ever safe
as a perfect extension of you.
So now you’re close to dying.
It’s been a rapid, vicious decline.
My resentment for your blows is
twisted round some thorny vine.
I’d love to find forgiveness,
some sense your life was worth
all those prickly punishments;
that your purpose was divine.
Isn’t it the way?
When you look for answers within
the real world reflects
the truth that’s held therein.
Just tuning in to nature
hearing chirps of nearby birds,
admiring springtime blooms –
then clouds leave me lost for words.
As if to show some hidden depths –
something intoxicatingly amazing –
the clouds command the pre-dusk sky
and stretch their angel wings.
Then strips of spirit send their light
to the curious land of open hearts.
The dignity of cloud and field and sky
make me in awe to be a part.
I’m sure they’re teasing me
as they chase across green
always in twos, hoppity hop.
The silence for me has been non-stop.
The scampering brown bunnies
think it’s terribly funny
to let me think I can reach them.
The silence has yet to reveal its gems.
It’s my will against theirs,
and they’re faster then hares.
All I’ve seen so far is the fluff of their tails.
The silence resolutely maintains its veil.
I was told to shut up as soon as I could talk,
so finding my voice has been tough.
There was never space to have my own thoughts
Never mind express what I love.
Now I’ve chosen to close myself from the world
and turn much deeper within.
A few days in silence, what will unfurl?
At least a break from my daily din.
What will I find, when my ego’s been stripped,
when I read from my sacred scroll:
will I find scribble or beautiful script
in the cavern of my heart and soul?
I stayed in my stuck.
A spiritual abductee.
And the stuckness
clung.
Made me feel craz-ee.
A long-term force
seemed bigger than me.
Thought it had
control.
But it was so petty.
Made me feel rubbish
about everything I did.
But one day I thought:
Enough.
Am I really that stupid?
So now I’m not stuck.
I’m released but petrified.
But it’s a fear that’s
free.
Never again a compromise.
What better way to celebrate the first day of 2013 than on a bracing visit to the Brighton seaside. With my only New Year’s Resolution being ‘gratitude’, I was blessed to tiptoe on the cobbled beach and take some stunning shots that capture the beauty of today’s extremely welcome (although unusual, given the recent torrential rain the UK has suffered) and benign sunshine.
The winter sunlight is putting a smile on our faces
The waves are frisky and a real treat to run in and out of (in spite of the cold!)
OK. So you’re on the verge. Of surrendering all the coping mechanisms you’ve ever relied on. [Full stop after ‘verge’ is significant.] All the stuff and guff of your environment – your behaviour and all the interpersonal relationships that you believe define you – are clinging on for dear life. And about to lose their stranglehold grip.
Except they don’t. At least not just yet. They’ve just been there to defend you. They think they’re saving you. But really they’re strangling you.
Having a life crisis, where you feel the entire planet is conspiring against you, is really an opportunity for you to realise this. The crisis creats porous entry points in your psyche for your real stuff to sneak in. Often before you’re ready for it. To catch you out. It has to create the opportunities it can, because you’ve been denying and dancing around the truth for decades. Tough, huh?
However, it can take some time to tune into what those signs are. They may have to really poke you in the nose before you spot them. Some people spend a lifetime oblivious to them. But there’s something about being able to spot the signs nudging you soul.
Here are three of mine from today: Continue reading
This has been a big issue for me this week. I’ve been going through an issue that requires some practical, emotional and psychological strength, and I’ve been wondering how on earth I can get through it.
I’ve been looking outside of myself for quotes, for expertise, for some kind of reassurance that I’ll be OK. That I’ll get through this test and everything else will be OK.
Except anyone on a spiritual journey knows that, once one task has been brought to consciousness and integrated, another more testing one awaits. That’s the nature of personal growth. The universe may not give us anything we’re not able to deal with, but by heck, once you’re able to deal with one area of consciousness, the universe will of course chuck you a new challenge.
Which brings me back to how I’m going to deal with my issue. I’ve done everything I can to influence the outcome I want, but ultimately the outcome is in the hands of another mortal being (complete with biases, prejudices etc).
And so I am aiming to reach some kind of peace. Tomorrow will bring its own resolution. I am seeking balance, not retribution. I may get some kind of equilibrium, but I so hope the fight will stop and I will be able to continue to be a balanced, hopeful person rather than a defended, anxious one.
In the meantime, I am finding inner strength I never knew I had. For all of the quotes I found, this is the one that always sustains me, and it’s my yoga teacher’s version of the Emerson quote: “The power within you is always greater than the task ahead.”
That is where I get my strength from.
I do love psychological research that tells us how to live longer – especially if one of those behaviours or qualities is what I do already. So I was delighted to read on Psychology Today a report on a study that has evidence to show that being creative can help you live longer. (Well, at least among men, anyway).
Basically, the study of 1,349 men over 18 years shows that being open to new ideas and being willing to try new things can lengthen your lifespan, with a 12% reduction in mortality risk.
How does creativity help? It basically exercises the brain to keep it fit and it helps to reduce stress levels (or at least helps to manage stress better and make it less daunting). Creativity is recommended throughout the whole of life to cope better with the onset of aging, and our thoughts and feelings around it. (Who doesn’t feel better after having externalised our stresses through painting, writing or even dancing).
When you see kids playing with paints, being clever with crayons, and lacking any kind of self-consciousness when they sing, dance and play, I often wonder where that innocent sense of playfulness and creativity goes when we grow up.
Let’s bring our inner children out more often and let them have a play. I think that the creativity the researchers talk about is also related to a sense of fun and a feeling that life is still full of wonder and curiosity, no matter what age you are.
inktuition 