As you swing your hand against my chin
my babyish bones rattle within;
your palm so swift, so hard, so grim,
against my freckly, guiltless skin.
I bow my neck, cover my head
with foetal fingers that seek to protect
my sacred centre, locked from view.
But a curled-up child is always your cue
to parade your power, your strength, your hue
that bitterly, darkly claims its due.
Inside my head is light and free –
that’s the place you can’t reach me.
So, as thunder rams upon my skull,
and in your righteous fury I sense no lull,
I retreat to a place that’s barriered and safe
against which all love will lean and chafe.
I first published this poem as part of my MA Creative Writing project: Inktuition – Healing Through the Written Word. It feels appropriate to re-publish it for NaPrWriMo’s Day 12 prompt on saying things I’d like to say, but will never be able to say, to my mother. She is terminally ill with Pick’s Disease, an aggressive and early form of dementia.
My heart is shattered…
This piece hits home for me. I have written some about the abuse I received, but the pain is still there and only now do I find the strength to really reach in and put it into words. It took me writing a piece called Never Again talking of how I put her out of my life completely to really begin healing. Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you for stopping by my blog and sharing your experiences.
I know this is a difficult topic to write and read about.
But there’s a big part of me that believes this stuff is better out than in.
It’s taken me about a decade to be comfortable to put my words into the public eye.
Childhood abuse has hidden in the shadow.
Shame keeps it there.
Courage – through words – shines a light in those shadows.